I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
