how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize