Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
