My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize