I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
