You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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