you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
