My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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