I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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