How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
