Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
