I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
