Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
