i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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