I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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