He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That accounts for only three of the penises
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have aggressive nipples.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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