she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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