I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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