imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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