if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
