I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
