he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
