Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
