I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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