He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
