they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
