I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
