How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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