i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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