I just pynch a tree in the face
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
