why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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