i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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