even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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