it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize