Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You pole danced in your parka.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
