I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
