when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
third nipple confirmed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
