Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
