After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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