I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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