I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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