Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize