How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
