the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
