She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
