she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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