Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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