Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
