She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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