I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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