was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
