Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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