Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
