when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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