Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just invented taco cereal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize