a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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