Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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