I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
