I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
