It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize