This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
