Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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