So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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