i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
