did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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