I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
