I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
