for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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